Last week, I posted about cutting the cord on your comfort zone. We talked about not keeping old clothes in your closet after losing weight because it makes it more comfortable to backtrack when regaining the weight that was once lost.
This week, I want to get a little deeper and ask you a tough question- WHO are you holding onto that’s keeping you comfortable?
Is there someone in your life who makes it harder for you to level up?
It may not even be intentional. In fact, most times, it’s not.
There are some people in your life that, just by their mere presence, you find yourself slipping back into old habits and patterns.
It could be old friends, close relatives, ex-significant others, colleagues, or just people you’ve given significance to who really shouldn’t have it.
Who’s in your circle that’s preventing your elevation?
Here are a few ways to identify this person:
- When you mention wanting to make a positive change in your life, they question why. They don’t understand why you want to lose weight, or start that business, or move out of your apartment into a house, or break up with your boyfriend who isn’t treating you right. You tell her you want to leave your company and work on your business full-time, and she reminds you of your stable paycheck and benefits. You tell her you want to break up with your boyfriend and she tells you how hard it is to find a man, so you’re better off keeping the one you have.
- They sabotage your efforts or talk down on the type of person you’re trying to become. Yep, they are actually putting energy into keeping you at their level. You tell her you want to lose weight and she constantly pressures you to come to happy hour against your better judgement. Or brings you treats to work. Or makes you feel guilty about not joining her at Sunday brunch. You mention wanting to join an investment club, and she tells you that you’re going to become one of those snooty rich people who forgets where they come from. You decide to upgrade your wardrobe, and she laughs and asks why you’re trying to dress like someone you’re not.
- You feel tired after interacting with them. It may be from trying to defend your position, causing you to argue back and forth. It may be from them dumping their emotional baggage on you. You may feel obligated to always say yes to this person because you haven’t established boundaries. You may feel hesitant about interacting with this person because you’re not quite sure which mood they’ll be in.
- You feel like you have to walk on eggshells around them. You have to be careful about what you say because they may blow up. When they’re good, it’s good. When they’re not, you’re not.
- They are filling a temporary need for something you desire more long-term. Are you holding on to a relationship with someone you know isn’t the best fit for you? Are you accepting behaviors from friends or romantic partners you wouldn’t normally tolerate just because they are filling a void and you don’t want to be lonely?
- You no longer enjoy the types of activities or conversations you used to. When you talk to this person, you feel as if the conversations are stale/stagnant, have a negative tone, or are very surface level. And when you try to introduce deeper subject matters, the conversation gets brought back down to where you don’t want to be.
And the list goes on. In other words, you can’t fully be yourself, you can’t fully express yourself, and this person does not encourage or stimulate your growth.
Any one come to mind?
If so, it’s time to pluck the weeds.
Does that mean you have to get rid of this person completely?
In some instances, YES!
When you hold on to something, it takes up space for another thing that will be a better fit for the person you want to become.
In other instances, like with family, you may not be able to get rid of them, but you can limit time or access. Try talking less often. Don’t pick up every phone call or respond to every text. Build in boundaries and parameters you’re comfortable with that will help protect your peace.
We often don’t think about how our friendships and relationships help to form the person that we become… or not.
Unfortunately, we cannot take everyone along with us on our journey.
You may have many things you aspire to achieve, but if you’re not around the right circle, they will just remain dreams.
So, I ask you again. Who are you holding onto that’s holding you back?
If you’re truly ready to level up, it may be time to let some people go.